Still Wanna Be a Credit Whore?

(Below: your American Express card and your Visa card having their daily discussion about you.)

You ever wonder why everyone on earth is trying to get out of debt…but noone on earth wants to give up their credit cards to do so? Well allow me introduce you to the world of pimpin….pimpin.

As you should already know, in the pimp game, the chief prize and primary possession of each pimp is his (or her) ho. And the way to obtain this possession is for each ho to “choose” her pimp. No, a pimp can’t choose a ho – its just the way the game works. Also, to present themselves as something to be chosen, the pimp makes sure to look appealing, well funded and when approached, makes sure to tell the potential ho every line in the book so she can sign her mental contract. In other words, the pimp makes sure to do everything in his power to get the ho to believe he is a necessity and that without him, her life would be worthless. These are simply the tell tell signs of a good pimp though right? True.  And thats the most important aspect of pimpin right? Wrong.

Lets back up for a moment. You may have asked: Why would any grown adult willingly allow another adult to control or pimp them in the first place? Well besides asking yourself if these women are in fact “adults” when they are first introduced to the game as teenagers (read: marketing credit cards to college freshman) you should also ask yourself another question. Is it really considered “allowing” if these hos have been brainwashed to truly believe they have no choice? Yes, they know that they have a choice between pimps, but what if the strongest point of influence was on them never questioning if they needed to be a ho in the first place?

Congratulations, you are now looking at the world through the eyes of the wealthy. You’re looking at the world the way BankofAmerica, Citigroup, Chase, Wells Fargo, American Express and every other issuer of credit cards do NOT want the general public to. You’re now able to see that the ultimate hustle isn’t about forcing you to choose between which card has the most f*cked up terms. The key here is to get you and I to believe that smart people just “don’t leave home without it” or that you aren’t really successful or going anywhere in your life because if you were, then you and your card would be “everywhere you want to be”. See, I bet you can’t even match up the two previously mentioned taglines with the credit card company each of them belong to, can you? Not without some unnecessary extra thought at least.

But even after explaining all of that, you’re probably still fighting it huh? You don’t think these companies could ever be so sinister do you? You truly believe these companies actually have your back, that credit cards are great tools for use in emergencies and that there are responsible ways to use credit cards. Ha! Looks like someone’s still on the hoe stroll.

You know what? maybe it IS too late for you. Maybe you are the proverbial “bottom ho” of the credit card industry and maybe I am attempting to play captain save a ho with you in this situation. But for the smart ones – the rest of you, I encourage you to look at the truth from outside the bedazzled pimp cup. I encourage you to acknowledge the truth that has been staring you in the face for a long time. The truth is that you don’t even need a credit pimp and you damn sure don’t need to be a credit whore.

But alas, allow me to continue to play save a ho for another moment. If you’re STILL confused, allow me to spell it out for you in baby talk:

  • Just like in the pimp game, credit cards keep you broke and with just enough money to think nothing’s wrong. They’ll encourage you with incentives to charge all the latest clothes, shoes and handbags that you’ll never want or use so they can keep you “lookin good, pretty and all that …but no doooough”.
  • Once “they get a b*tch, they got a b*tch”.  I don’t have to tell you that the higher the balance you rack up, the more difficult (nearly impossible) it is to get free from it. And how did this happen to begin? Because even though everything was going “right” and you were so called “using your credit cards responsibly”, by design of the system, one day you slipped up. You sent in a payment or clicked the pay now button online and for whatever reason (even though you know damn well you did it the right way) that payment never got there. Then two large fees are instantly assessed (a late fee and an over the limit fee) to a balance that you were having trouble paying down to begin with. Now you can’t come up with the total minimum payment due so you let that overlimit balance sit through another pay period while it racks up additional interest fees you also can’t handle. Then on top of that, here’s the kicker: all of your other 12 credit cards are raising your interest rates on those balances you can’t afford to pay down simply because they’ve noticed your delinquencies on that original credit card. Fun fun fun huh?
  • “Anyone can control her body, but what you’ve got to do is control her mind“. The reason these little evil, mini loans have worked so well is because the marketing has worked …so well. Many of you truly believe not only should you never be caught without one but that you actually need a credit card for anything, be it emergencies, building your credit score or even for the so called perks and  the freebies. Well lets look at the realities:
    • First off, if an emergency comes, the last thing you want to do is clean up that emergency using a tool set up for you to have a larger emergency trying to pay for that cleanup in the future. The true emergency fund is…guess what…AN EMERGENCY FUND. Save 6-9months worth of fixed expenses in cash then stash it away and you wont have to pay 30% in APR on every “emergency” that comes along.
    • Next, as discussed in our Why You Don’t Need Credit page, the only reason someone would be dumb enough to try and build up a credit score is to potentially use that credit score at some point in the future. Folks, don’t be dumb.  Anything you really need can be bought with cash and with money you’ve already made. Act your wage.
    • Lastly – you want to do what?? Buy a Coach bag so you can earn extra reward points and then use those reward points on a trip to Miami…like next week? You’re going to buy a $3,000 bag so you can save $100 on a plane ticket? Thats like spending a dollar to get three cents back. Ho is you crazy?? Oh thats right…

The moral of the story is that the sooner you wake up and realize you don’t even have to play in the game to begin, the sooner you stop being pimped out to the credit card industry. Cash or  visa check card/visa debit card (which works just like a credit card without the debt) is all you need when you’re out in the streets. The rewards of keeping these mini loans in your day to day lives (“reward” points, tshirts, flyer miles) don’t even come close to outweighing the risks (intense stress, depression, dealing with crooked debt collectors and even possibly bankruptcy). As a matter of fact, if you really want to take control of your life, you’d go find those cards right now, pull out the sharpest pair of scissors you could find and then proceed to cut them &%$^&*as up.

FYI- Once you do cut em up, you can then opt out of receiving credit card offers in the mail FOREVER here:

And hey, we’re starting a photo album of people we save from the matrix. Send all images of you cutting up your credit cards or images of them sitting somewhere already shredded in pieces to:!

4 thoughts on “Still Wanna Be a Credit Whore?

  1. Pingback: CreditCardsAreForIDIOTS «!

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